09 Nov 106 Minutes of Sexual Intimacy
I always suspected I was a bad mother/wife/woman. And now I just had it confirmed. Some scientists ( with nothing better to do with their time than find ways to make me feel bad), did a study on “What a Woman’s Perfect Day Would Consist Of.” And the results? Went a little something like this –
106 minutes of sexual intimacy
82 minutes of socializing with family and friends
78 minutes of relaxation with friends and family
75 minutes of eating with family and friends probably
73 minutes of prayer and/or meditation
68 minutes of exercise with friends
57 minutes of phone time talking to friends
56 minutes of shopping
55 minutes of watching TV …..and so on.
I read this and I’m like…are you out of your freakin mind? Is that really what you women out there in the world of scientific studies want, dream of, lust for and long for? You’re REALLY coveting 106 minutes of sex/intimacy? Please tell me you just said that because your Significant Other was looking over your shoulder when you filled out the nosey-poker form? And are you HONESTLY wishing for socializing with your kids, your family, your friends a close second? Or did you just write that because it would earn you points in heaven?
Because if this list looks like what YOU would write – then I’m a very bad woman. And very very alone in my bad-ness.
Because MY idea of a perfect day would go something like this…
1. Wake up to a completely empty house. Redolent with quietness. Because everyone has fed themselves, dressed themselves and taken themselves to other very important places , very far away. Like school. Or the planet Mars. And they didn’t leave a mess either. They all made their beds, washed their own clothes, vacuumed the house and scrubbed the shower. Because they’re super-wonderful like that.
2. Go to a cafe and eat breakfast. An omelette with mushrooms, ham and tomatoes. Lots of maple syrup. The Hot Man can come to breakfast too. (But he cant have any of my omelette. He would order waffles with ice cream. So then I can eat some.)
Then in no particular order, I would do any/all the following…visit a spa and have a massage, manicure, pedicure. Read a book, by myself. Write 5,000 words on my latest project. By myself. Bake cookies, by myself. MAYBE go to lunch with a friend or two. Drink Diet Coke, by myself. Listen to Eminem, U2, Phillip Phillips, Norah Jones and stuff like that, by myself. Go water walking at the pool, by myself. Go to a movie. Eat a chocolate lamington.
And yeah, I guess I would also engage in “Sexual Intimacy” – BUT NOT FOR 106 MINUTES – because I don’t care how amazing sex is, that’s just way too long to be naked and sweaty and acrobatic. I mean, get real, a zumba class is only 50 minutes of cardio. And I find it difficult to be smiley and look alluring and remember to breathe for that long, all while contorting one’s body to music. Without falling over. (And that’s WITH clothes on.) So, sex can be on the list but it wouldnt be number one on there.
My ideal day would also include my children. In there somewhere. Like maybe a few blessed minutes before they go to sleep. Like when they’re already fed, dressed and have done all the dishes and their homework, then we would read stories together. One hug, One kiss. And then ‘Good Night!’ The Fabulous Five are most fabulous when they’re going to sleep. My ‘perfect day’ doesnt look much like the scientific study.
No. Because I’m a freak who likes her personal space. To herself. Which means, I dont want to spend the bulk of my ideal day WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Not even people I love desperately. An ideal day would have lots of good food, good books, good music.
And most of all, SPACE. Lots and lots of space. Just for ME. To wallow in. Dance in. Delight in. Get drunk on.
Like I said. I’m a bad wife. Bad mother. Bad woman.
Clearly, I’m going straight to hell. I hope they have isolation cells for people like me.
So whats high on YOUR list for YOUR perfect day?