01 Apr The Koviti-19 Faikala Report (also known as telling on Isolation Breakers, even if you’re related to them)

And it came to pass that in the Year of the Great Isolation, there was birthed a new pastime, called The Koviti-19 Faikala. Otherwise known as, the Reporting on State of Emergency Breakers. And the Dobbing in of Pandemic Plague Spreaders. Just as the roles of hunter and gatherer were vital to the survival of our caveman ancestors, so too is it essential that everyone watch out for their neighbors…and dob them in, for the greater good.

So in the interests of the continuation of humankind, I hereby report the following:

  1. The woman at the Pesega grocery store who coughed loudly into the cereal aisle just when I was about to walk down it. And then continued to cough up and down the store. WTF WERE YOU THINKING?! HOW CAN YOU HAVE MISSED THE 101 ADS FROM THE HEALTH DEPT TELLING US TO COUGH INTO OUR ELBOWS DAMMIT? How many different ways do we need to be told by the medical experts – on the TV, the radio, the Facebook, posters in every store and clinic – how to cough, how to blow our noses, how to wash our hands? The health sector is working hardcore with other government ministries to get the messages out and have been for several months now. And yet still some vasti people don’t listen. You watch, when Covid19 gets here, these are the same people who will jump to blame government for their runny nose. They’ll say its Stui’s fault that their lungs collapse.
  2. The loud drunken crew at the pool table bar hangout up the road from our house. The ones choo-hoo-ing. Sharing laughs, drinks, spit and sweat. And a multitude of germs. Obviously in breach of the order NOT TO HAVE ANY PUBLIC GATHERINGS OF MORE THAN FIVE PEOPLE. And I wonder, when you’re busy getting wasted, how well are you remembering to wash your hands for at least twenty seconds after you stumble outside to pee in the bushes? Can you please take your rowdy assess home where you belong? There’s families in Samoa who weren’t able to have a proper funeral for their loved one because of the rule about not exceeding five people. They had to video link in their aiga to say goodbye to their relative. What makes you think your pool table drinks are in any way more essential than that funeral farewell?! Le mafaufau.
  3. Finally, and most frustratingly, I want to report the 79yro woman at Alafua who has been going to town and into assorted shops, even though she has helpers who can go to shops for her, even though her family have been taking her meals everyday so she surely doesn’t NEED to be going anywhere. Yesterday she went to the grocery store “to look at vegetables”, to a bakery “for something sweet”, and into the pharmacy “to get my prescription and to see what else they have in there”. She probably went other places too but since I started raising my voice at her, she stopped telling me the full extent of her kafao’ing. (Hint- This woman has the same last name as me and is a much better looking version of me even though she’s nearly 80.) As we all know, according to the rules of the State of Emergency, people over sixty have been strictly instructed to stay their fia ka’a selves at home. This particular woman is particularly strong-willed and determined, (ie stubborn) and even more fiapoto than me (which is really saying something.) I told her I was going to report her and she shrugged and said, “Go ahead. You do that.” I had to hit my head on the wall in frustration. There was a time long time ago when the roles were reversed and she was yelling at me to stay my wild roaming self at home and not be out inciting danger and temptation. So maybe this is retribution, I don’t know. I am sorely tempted to send her picture to all the stores she usually goes to, and ask them to have their security guards ‘Watch out for this lady and don’t let her inside your store because she’s breaking the SOE law. Please and thank you.’ Is anyone else having trouble with elders who are determined to NOT stay home? Any tips you can share?

There you have it. My Koviti Faikala report for this week. Remember folks, we’re all in this together. Watch out for your neighbor and do the right thing. Cough into your elbow, wash your hands for 20 seconds at least, and if you can – stay home. Especially if you’re 60yrs old and older.

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