03 Aug I’m considering Pole Dancing. And Elephant Training.
I think Im going to start telling people that I’m a pole dancer. Or an elephant trainer at the circus. Because telling people I’m a “writer” is giving me a headache. Because I have to deal with stuff like…
1. “Really? I always wanted to write a book about my life. But I’m too busy. A book about my life would be sooo interesting. You should hear some of the things I’ve experienced…you should write a book about MY life! Blah blah blah.” Like I don’t have enough misery in my own life thank you very much – now I have to sit here and listen to a recital of yours?
2. “Really? What do you write?” Ummm crap?
3. “Oh you mean you write books? Like Harry Potter?” Oh yeah. That’s me. Your everyday billionaire writing genius. Aha. I write books exactly like that.
4. “Oh. A writer. But I haven’t heard of you.” So? So whats your point? I bet you haven’t heard of Euripides either. Or Homer or Sartre. Lady, there’s a billion writers writing on this planet that you havent heard of, and that doesnt stop them. So what’s your point!? I’m poking my tongue out at you in my mind. So there. I’m doing the wiggly squashed-bananas-on-you dance, so there. Besides, who in heck are you? I haven’t heard of you either.
5.”Really? You’re so lucky. You get to sit at home all day and write whatever you want, whenever you feel like it. Not like us hardworking folks who have to work our fingers to the bone to earn a decent living.” Yeah, I love it. Writing stuff you never know if anyone will ever read. Querying agents who probably use my chapters to line their litter boxes. While they laugh maniacally. No, I’m just writing. Sitting in my little hermit cave, all by my lonesome. No coffee breaks with the rest of the office gang. No power lunches with fabulously powerful people. No. Just me. Writing. All by my lonesome. Gnawing on a hunk of stale bread and rationing sips of
Diet Coke gutter water. Please excuse me, I have to get back to starving and suffering in my cave.
Yep. I’ve decided. It’s official. I’m not a writer anymore. I’m now Lani the Luscious and Acrobatically Amazing.. Occupation? Pole Dancer.
I wonder what response I’ll get from random people now…
Do you love YOUR job? What do you hate the most about what YOU do?