11 May Is Your Wife Eating all Your Food?

Is it just Samoans who like to comment loudly on peoples appearance, specifically their weight? When someone hasnt seen me in awhile its always, “Ua e lapo’a” ie you’re so fat!

It goes the other way too, they tell my Ironman athlete husband “Ua e ma’i?” ie you’re so thin you look sick. Do you have AIDS? (yes people really say things like that) They also tell him he shouldnt run so much because its bad for him, especially at his age.

And then when we are together somewhere, the more wittier people will laugh and exclaim, “Is your wife eating all your food?!…Doesn’t your wife cook enough food for you?”

And 9 times out of 10, the people making these observations are twice as large as I am. And telling the Hot Man he looks sick – when they are battling diabetes, high blood pressure and other health problems related to poor diet and lack of exercise.

Is this a “thing” in other cultures? Why do you think its a “thing” with us Samoans? Has it happened to you?

  • vaee

    Unfortunately , yes! I hear it from friends and cousins hit with the same inappropriate questions but are casual concerns. Worse that I am single and when I visit family overseas they ask/ tell me “You’re so big, are you married yet? When are going to get married?”
    However it is in all cultures I have experienced kind questions at my job, the nerve some ask if I’m pregnant!? It is like sorry if my Lil pooch( belly) makes you curious to ask and offend me at the same time. Sheesh.

    May 11, 2015 at 6:07 pm
    • jnzy

      yeah agreed! my uncle always says to me to lose weight otherwise will never get married lol I just laugh and act like inside I’m not dying hahahaha!

      May 19, 2015 at 5:02 am
  • Louisa

    Yes, it happens a lot. Always the case with our people, pointing the finger but never really looking at their other dirty fingers pointing back at them. I learned to just ignore it and just say ‘ia mafaufau muamua le kagaka ia po’o mamā laga ia mua fale’ lol I get this ‘e ua e pupulu mai’ oiaueeee! Lol

    May 11, 2015 at 10:01 pm
  • Delle

    Humor helps to dim the effect. Example: “OMG you gained so much weight”, ‘Eh, what’s new, never mind about me, I love your hair, did your man iron it’. Steer the conversation elsewhere. I find that many times people have stories to tell even if it involves messed-up hair-dos.

    The sad thing is that there are unfortunately people out there who prefer to make sarcastic remarks at the expense of others perhaps only to realize they just need a friendly and funny, person to converse with. Win-win situation. 😀

    May 11, 2015 at 10:11 pm
  • Marg

    Happens all the time.. you’re not alone!

    May 11, 2015 at 10:45 pm
  • The whole time I lived in Manu’a (AmSamoa), my students, neighbors, and coworkers looooved to tell me I was too skinny. All the time! Since we moved back to America, I’ve had a baby; I kept the pregnancy off of Facebook and most of my Manukan family/friends had no idea. One day I posted a photo that was just from the chest up (I must’ve been 7 months pregnant in the photo) and I got a TON of comments! “Oka! Miss you got CHUBBY!” haha. When we first moved there it was really difficult to deal with the comments on my appearance (my wild curly hair, my “long” palagi nose, my slender figure) since it’s very taboo/rude in America. But after a while they rolled off of me. *Putting on 10lbs also helped, haha.)

    May 11, 2015 at 11:49 pm
  • Patrick

    It is one of the less admirable side effects of the Samoan “traditional” upbringing (or is that cultural?).

    Growing up in Samoa, I noticed that many Samoans tend to be outspoken, confident and very self-assured. None of those are bad things per se. But those traits also tend to be paired with a poor ability to be tactful, thoughtful or courteous. It’s as though their strong tendency towards speaking their mind has an equal and opposite reaction in their ability to gauge whether what they’re saying is appropriate. Goodbye to the maybe-I-shouldn’t mention-how-much-weight-they’ve-gained filter.

    It’s not just weight. Really anything that sets you apart, or they can use in a derogatory manner, is fair game. In your husband’s case, lack of weight. Which probably has more to do with their insecurities or envy than his athletic condition (they only wish they could have the same kind of AIDS he does).

    Courtesy and tact are somewhat advanced social skills, and in many cultures such as ours, ones that were not too long ago based on ahem less civilized pursuits (i.e. people swinging sharp pointed objects at each other), maybe these tend to be looked down upon as signs of weakness.

    More advanced cultures, such as the English, have had hundreds if not thousands more years to develop the “politeness” that’s said to be ingrained in proper English society. That still leaves out the “common” folk, though…

    Which begs the question: if you’re the one biting your tongue, does that make the other person a peasant?

    Yes. Yes it does.

    So you hold your head high, m’lady, and leave them to choke on their envy and stupidhead.

    … their comments on running and age remind me of when people thought taking showers everyday would kill them (as opposed to bathing once a year, ick). Such puny minds do commoners have…

    May 12, 2015 at 3:50 am
  • Susana

    I can only comment on Samoans per se.. -.. yes its only them that are quite insensitive about it.. because generally they take everything so personally .. Most of the comments are quite back handed as well and are said quite facetiously… Even when the comment appears to be complimentary.. it often sounds quite the opposite.. its almost as if they needed to say something because they had to say something. I was brought up to not say anything if nothing nice is going to come out of it.. -in general unless you really have GENUINE friends ( most of mix up our aquaintances as friends) .. then I would say take most comments made with a grain of salt….

    May 12, 2015 at 8:50 am
  • Sonia

    YES My dad is Samoan, honestly he has no filter. Told one of my cousins she needed to lose weight because no man likes a fat girl. After the birth of my son he thought he was Jenny Craig, was monitoring everything I ate, offering ‘tips’ at the dinner table when we would visit for koga’i, used to get all sorts of grunts and remarks when he’d catch me sneaking seconds.

    May 12, 2015 at 10:07 am
  • Von Morley

    Comedian Katt Williams says if you got 8 haters now try to have 12 by summer! It happens everywhere. Some people aren’t happy with themselves so they want to bring everyone down to their level. Don’t fall for it!

    May 14, 2015 at 2:49 am
  • Sabrina Whippy

    Hell yes I think this is a Samoan thing, especially with our families & close friends & haters. In my experience this is primarily in my mothers generation (1940’s +) – just being honest. It seems to be a normal conversation for 1940’s+ generation. I don’t really think they mean much harm by it, just a mere observation, they just don’t have a filter…lol I laughed when my friend asked me 3 months ago if I was pregnant because yes I have put on a lot of weight in the last year, and I was waddling at the time due to pain & discomfort. I replied no I am not pregnant and then she responded with did you have a miscarriage & I cracked up laughing and said No I am just FAT. I laughed it off because she is a good friend (a Samoan woman) and I know she was not being malicious like others. I love Meghan Trainors songs and I keep singing her lyrics & song All About that Bass to make me feel better & embrace & love my curves. Gosh I can’t believe the things people say to Darren & you – unbelievable!! People need to change their conversations to something more positive, if you have nothing nice to say don’t say it. I’ve come to the realization that hurtful things people say to you is merely a reflection of their own insecurities & miserable life.

    May 18, 2015 at 2:28 am

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