27 Aug No. I don’t want to have sex right now.
Pop Quiz time. You’re married (or in a fabulous longterm relationship with your fabulous partner) who is a man. Your husband/man wants to have sex and you don’t. Does he have the right to:
A. Hit you. Beat you. Cut you. Hospitalize you.
B. Get mad and shout at you. Break stuff. Threaten you. Frighten the children.
C. Sulk and refuse to talk to you any more, until you start being a #goodwife.
D. Go have sex with some other woman.
E. Get drunk with the boyz and complain to them all about what a cold bi*** you are.
F. Find a quiet private room in the house somewhere and masturbate. Then re-join you with a happy smile.
G. Refuse to give you any of his wages for the shared family and household expenses and instead tell you to ‘look after your kids on your own. They’re your problem.’
H. Lecture you with Bible verses about the appropriate role of a woman and a wife. Ask the pastor to talk to you about how you can be a better wife.
I. Accuse you of having an affair with some other man, because why else would you be refusing sex with your husband? Start stalking you, going through your phone, telling you that you’re ‘not allowed’ to go anywhere.
J. Go mow the lawn, or go for a run, have a cold shower, indulge in a brisk game of rugby, a Zumba session – or any other kind of non-sexual activity associated with quelling one’s sexual urges. Then re-join you with a happy smile.
K. Force you to have sex with him anyway. Otherwise known as RAPE.
Put your answer in the comments. If you’ve got some other answers not included on my list, or experience with any other options, please list them in the comments too.
What prompted this pop quiz? A recent study carried out by the Samoa Family Health and Safety, found that 46.4% of Samoan women surveyed aged 15 to 49, had experienced physical and/or sexual violence by an intimate partner. Concerns about violence against women in Samoa were raised in the first State of Human Rights Report for Samoa that was released last week. The Observer newspaper quotes the report,
“The epidemic rates of violence against women in Samoa is a form of discrimination that comes about from the systemic undervaluing of women in Samoan society and their exclusion from decision making processes…many participants in the focus groups cited that Fa’aSamoa permits husbands to beat their wives…Evidence suggests that violence against women is socially legitimized in Samoa..almost 70% of the women surveyed believed that men have a good reason to beat their wives (including if she is unfaithful, doesn’t do housework well, or if she disobeys him.) …In the study’s focus groups, women often (humorously) responded that they were most often beaten when they refused sex.” (emphasis added by me.)