11 Jun Stretch marks Are Useful!

Bella – I want a baby. But I don’t want a husband. Or a boyfriend.

Me – Don’t worry. There’s ways you can get around that. Let’s chat.

Her Dad (horrified) – YOU DON’T WANT A BABY! YOU’RE ONLY EIGHT YEARS OLD!!

Obviously we have different parenting styles lol.

I’ve blogged before about how Bella wants a baby. She’s obsessed. I suspect that’s why she was so determined to have a puppy. But then Simba grew up and became this rambunctious rowdy big dog that knocks her over when she’s trying to play with him in the yard, so she’s back to wanting a little human. Never mind that little humans also grow up and become big dogs that are rambunctious, rowdy, eat everything and sometimes knock you over with their nuisance-ness. She maintains that baby humans stay little for much longer than puppies do.

So I did what any self-respecting parent would do in such a situation, when faced with an eight year old who wants a baby. Sooner rather than later.

I showed her my C-section scar. That stolid centipede stamped low on my abdomen. And my stretch marks. Allllllllllll of them.

The stretch marks horrified her way more than the stitched centipede did.

“Growing the baby made lots of rips in your skin??!! And not just on your tummy, but on your back too??!!  And on top of your legs??!!”

Her Dad said helpfully, “Show her the ones on your chest.”

Bella was awe-struck. “Susu’ing a baby makes your susu’s stretch big and those are the marks there forever??!!”

I was beginning to get musu at the extreme exclamations about my stretch mark collection. I mean, dude, they aren’t THAT BAD. Most of them are pretty faint, and in the darkness right light, you wouldn’t even know they were there. Dammit. The husband’s “helpful” commentary and tour-guiding for aforementioned stretch marks was getting on my nerves too. Especially when he added, “You can’t blame the babies for ALL of her stretch marks. You get stretch marks when you eat too much and get fat really fast…”

EXCUSE ME??!!

He amended, “Or get skinny really fast.” Then he tried covering up. “See my stretch marks from when I was doing lots of weights so I could be a bodybuilder?”

Bella was impressed with HIS stretch marks. Because they were an indication of his big muscles or some such nonsense. Eh.

But my marks? Nope. Unimpressive and downright depressing.

They had the desired effect though. Bella doesn’t want to have a baby anymore. Because it looks way too painful. And permanent.  “I will adopt a baby instead,” she said. “After  I get back from my expedition to the Amazon with Violani. And after I go to the Eiffel Tower. And when I’m done having a ice-cream shop.”

See, stretch marks can be useful!

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