11 Aug The Beach Sucks.
The beach sucks. And jellyfish are of Satan. I want them wiped off the face of the earth.
If you know me then you know I loathe the beach. Its hot, sandy, dirty, far away, too much wide open space, and its got bugs and I have to actually go outside to get there.
I only go to beaches under much duress and because Im making the EXTREME SACRIFICE for those (demon) children of mine who adore beachgoing. Because Im stockpiling #GoodMother points in heaven that will hopefully negate all those times when I tell them to ‘get away from me! Youre like a bad smell just hanging about that I cant get rid of!’ And those times when making their lunchboxes just seems like too much hard work so I tell them ‘I have a great idea, who wants a day off school? Why dont you stay home today and play XBox? Youre such clever children it wont matter if you miss today. Besides, you went every day LAST week like overachievers. Thats plenty!’
So yes, I am that wonderful mother who hates the beach but endures it for her children’s sake.
Yesterday we went to a beach (with fabulous friends) and my beloved Demons were stung by a swarm of jellyfish. Bella got stung first and it was scary and painful for
me and her. I was envisioning brain haemorraging and/or cardiac arrest and calculating how fast her Dad could drive us to the hospital. Wondering if I could be tough enough to perform a rudimentary tracheotomy in the car as we navigated a winding road and lots of potholes…
Thankfully our fabulous friends who owned the beach house we were visiting, had vinegar and then hot water to help soothe the sting. So I didnt need to test my #ToughMum-ness after all.
But the other two kept on swimming with their friends, insisting that they were “staying far away from the jellyfish”. Yeah right.
Because I have children who are allergic to almost everything, they woke up this morning covered in red welts and hives from head to toe. They had to stay home from school and get doped up on medicine. They were sore and sad, and so was I on their behalf.
Im not happy about jellyfish that go around stinging other people’s (demon) children. Dammit.
What do we learn from this?
The beach is a horrible place. Its hot, sandy, dirty, far away, too much wide open space, its got bugs and I have to actually go outside to get there.
AND ITS GOT LETHAL EVIL STINGING JELLYFISH that attack little humans.
Good mothers dont take their children to places with evil stinging lethal creatures. So…..we are never going to the beach again.