01 Sep Get this Mother on an Airplane.
So I’m flying to Samoa in a few hours. I’m a mother of five children who doesn’t get to travel very often. Because, these are the things that I’m excited about:
1. Walking through the departure zone very slowly. Meandering through Duty Free stores. ( Who cares if I can afford to buy anything or not.)Stopping at the Bendon shop so I can trail my fingers along the silk and lace, lustfully – like the lingerie
whore admirer that I am.
2. Wearing my Grown Up, Independent, High Heeled Hot Woman shoes as I meander my way to the airplane. Because I don’t have to carry one whiny toddler. Chase after one ADD 8yrold. Stamp my foot after two teenagers who want to walk far away from the rest of us because they are ‘too cool’ to hang with this old bag and her little kids.
3. Sitting on a plane for 4 hrs and watching my own movie on my own movie screen. Without refereeing the squabbling rabble as they fight over food, seats, movies and games. Eating my own food. Slowly. Like big people with no kids do.
4. Only going to the bathroom when I WANT TO. Not fifty million times to take that child who keeps inventing bathroom breaks because she wants to roam around the airplane, smiling at strangers, sticking her finger in their food, crying when someone says hi to her.
5.When the plane lands and we disembark, I will get my ONE suitcase and make my way through Customs. Without chasing children everywhere. Without telling them to
shut up be quiet every 5 seconds because the whole world DOES NOT want to know that you have just pooped in your diaper thank you very much. ‘But mum, it’s yuckie!’ So what. Just wait until we get through this line of a hundred sweaty people and then mum will change you. But mum it’s so yuckie! Be quiet, life’s yuckie! Just deal with it!
Yes, I am a woman who doesnt get to leave the house very often. I will be childless for four days. Oh the joy, the excitement, the bliss of it! Think of all the wonderful things I will be able to do WITHOUT this pack of feral creatures!
So how come, I’m sitting here crying. Sniffling. Missing my babies already. And I havent even left the house yet?!