23 Sep Sexilicious Men (and houses) – When Fantasy meets Reality

The nice thing about being married to a man who owns his own construction company, is he can design AND build your house for you. The Hot Man is freakishly clever like that. How lucky am I??? I went out with him for his sexilicious self and had no clue he actually had like…skills…talents…housebuilding moneymaking potential… But then that’s the thing about only marrying people for their sexilicious-ness, everything else is a surprise. (Or disappointment as the case may be…)

But I digress.  We’re moving back to Samoa in a few months and since we sold our old home,  the Hot Man has to build us a new one over there. He was getting a little stressed, worrying about the costs and hassle of relocating. (As he does.) And I was blissfully thinking of how wonderful its going to be to go home. In other words, not thinking about such MINOR details like money, packing, or building a house in the blazing hot sun. (As I do.) But  I am not a cold, heartless wife. Oh no. I noted his concerns and rushed to assuage them. Magnanimously.

“Daahling, don’t worry. We don’t need a big, expensive house. No, no, no. All we need is a little space to call our own. As long as it has a roof on it, we will be fine. As long as we’re all together. Why, a little bungalow in the bush is all we need!”

I had delightful visions of something like this…rustic and reserved.

aNewHouse

Somewhat comforted, the Hot Man started the design plans for our new house. And I felt good about being such a good wife. And continued fantasizing planning our new life in our new home in Samoa.

After a week or so of designing, the Hot Man showed me the design plans. I studied them carefully. WTFudge?

“Umm, but daaahling, where’s my office? I cant write books without an office. And that office needs to be air conditioned. How can I write hot romance stories when I’m dying in the tropical humidity with sweat clogging up my computer?”

He said something about the astronomical cost of electricity in Samoa. Pffft. “That’s why we’re going to have solar panels on the roof to power our air-con. That’s why you need to make a much bigger roof. We need more area for the solar panels. Yes, I know a solar heating unit costs lots of money but just think how much money we’ll save in the long run. And we’ll be eco-friendly too! Maybe we could have wind turbines in the front yard as well….”

I studied the plans some more. “This can’t be right. The kitchen looks like a cupboard. How can I cook food for seven people in a CUPBOARD?”

He reminded me that I don’t actually cook food for them anymore. “Alright then, correction – how are the teenagers going to cook food for us all in a CUPBOARD? You have to make that kitchen bigger.”

I studied the plans some more. “There’s no way this house is going to fit us. You can’t expect all those demon children to share a room. They will KILL each other. Rip each other to shreds. Or I’ll kill them because of all the bickering they’ll be doing, distracting me when I’m trying to write books in my air conditioned office.”

More studying of aforementioned defective house plans. “No, we need another bathroom somewhere. Especially for when we have visitors. And parties and sultry summer night BBQs.”

He reminded me we never have visitors. Or parties. And he didn’t know what a sultry summer BBQ was but he was pretty sure, we’d never had one of those either.  “You’re hermit woman, remember? No friends, remember?”

Why must sexilicious men be so rude?!

“But I might be different one day. I might want to host scintillating dinner parties and tropical buffets with lots of intellectually stimulating conversation. And lanterns hanging in the trees in the garden! Lots and lots of lanterns.”

He wanted me to know there were no trees in the garden of our house site. In fact, there was no garden either. Just a wilderness of bushes, vaofefe and broken beer bottles ( because the neighbourhood has been using the empty lot as a drink-up spot.) “And I know you’re not going to plant a garden Lani.”

Well, he at least got THAT right. I don’t do gardens. “We can make the children do the landscaping. It can be their creative project. Oh! But maybe we could fit a teensie weensie swimming pool in the yard? For YOU daaahling. For your training for the Ironman. Wouldn’t it be useful for you to have a pool right in our yard to help you achieve your athletic dreams?!” (See how I did that!?  Clever #GoodWife, right there. The blessings in heaven are piling up, I can feel it!)

The Hot Man sighed and looked dejected. While I was swept away with visions of our new house. Which now, looked like THIS!

aVilla

Doesn’t this look like a house of a woman who hosts scintillating dinner parties? With Martha Stewart-like décor and My Kitchen Rules-type cuisine? I could be that woman! Anything is possible. Right?

At that point, the Hot Man gave up. “We can’t afford to build a new house. Forget it.”

“But where are we going to live then?” I wailed.

“With your parents. Maybe your mum will let the kids sleep in the fale in their garden.”

Nooooooooooo! I thought about Little Son and Bella driving my mum nuts and just like that – the rustic, reserved two-bedroom shack just got a whole lot more attractive.

And the Hot Man went back to his design drawings with a big (sneaky) smile on his face.

17 Comments
  • Talise Samuelu
    Reply

    I love this! Hillarious Lani, never fail to put a BIG SMILE on my face !

    September 23, 2013 at 4:19 pm
    • Thanks Talise – Now that book tour stuff is over, Im enjoying the chance to get back to more of my favourite kind of writing – demented domestic goddess blogging.

      September 23, 2013 at 4:42 pm
  • LOL! faiga le hot man. he knows just what to say to burst your fantasy bubble

    September 23, 2013 at 4:32 pm
    • But does he have to burst it so decisively Sieni?! LOL

      September 23, 2013 at 4:41 pm
  • Margaret
    Reply

    Lmao… Sounds like something i would say…. ‘I dont want much… Just a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 3 living areas home for the 3 of us.’ Ohh this post made my day… Love reading your blogs. Hope all goes well with the relocation/home building. Happy days 🙂

    September 23, 2013 at 4:34 pm
  • If I were a betting woman..I’d bet on you Lani..

    September 23, 2013 at 8:21 pm
    • Shhh…lets at least let him think he has a chance of winning on this one Zoia! LOL

      September 23, 2013 at 8:38 pm
  • penny craig
    Reply

    so funny as they say you have to start at the bottom it will be a real dream to build the first fale the reality would be to live in the 2nd fale….if he starts now you may be able to live in one room while the rest is being built,by the time he finishes kids will have graduated and moved on and be just the two of you and a grandchile or two, but then I am dreaming too.Good luck with your endeavors…..

    September 23, 2013 at 8:56 pm
    • Nooo i dont want to wait until theres grandchildren! I want it now…. LOL

      September 25, 2013 at 11:49 am
  • Hilary
    Reply

    Your blogs are so hilarious and thought provoking Lani 🙂

    September 23, 2013 at 9:12 pm
  • We should start swapping house plans. Something going on in my house, with the roles of the party exchanged. Oh, and no ironman here.

    September 23, 2013 at 10:58 pm
  • hahaha. Hilarious. Sounds like something my fiancee` would do to me

    September 24, 2013 at 1:28 am
  • I was getting all excited about the new house hahahaha, husbands are too funny. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

    September 24, 2013 at 10:14 am
  • Siovhan
    Reply

    Ha! You two crack me up!

    September 24, 2013 at 10:19 am
  • Devonshire76
    Reply

    Malo daaahling … I love reading your blogs xx You crack me up gurl ..

    September 25, 2013 at 4:23 pm
  • LOL, this is great! you and your hot man are just hilarious! much love lani!!

    October 30, 2013 at 11:25 pm

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