27 Jun Tofu and Bionic Butts

I went for a physical last month because I’ve been having some (freaky) health issues. I ignored them for as long as possible, y’know, hoping they’d go away. Ha. That didn’t happen so I saw a doctor and had a bunch of tests which revealed some rather unsavoury things. As a result, I’m in the process of making changes to my lifestyle. Stuff like exercise and good food and sleep. (For some odd reason, it’s much harder to exist on three hours sleep and donuts when you’re forty – as opposed to all the other years of my life. Dammit. Who knew?!)

I’m now spending time with this every day.


And my butt hurts. You’d think that all that cushioning (fat) would make sitting on a bike a pleasant experience. Not so. Biking HURTS. How do those Tour de France bikers do it? They must have bionic butts. Perhaps if I keep using my spin bike, then I too can be the proud owner of a bionic butt. I’d rather go running but there’s too many bitey dogs on the road here and it’s hot as hell so I’m starting with indoor exercise options. Plus I can bike under the fan and read a book at the same time…#Win!

As for my efforts to eat healthy. This is necessitating a return to my wannabe Martha Stewart domestic goddess self because, clearly, canned tuna, cornflakes and choc chip cookies are not doing my aged self any favors.  However, I refuse to suffer in exchange for better health. This means finding creative ways to have my cake and eat it too…

I got a juicer and am slowly navigating the world of vegetable juicing. First juice we made was carrot-laupele-celery-cucumber. It was disgusting. Had to chuck it out. Second attempt was better. Niu (coconut water), papaya, celery, bananas, laupele (spinach), cucumber, carrot and some raw oatmeal. It was delicious. And filling. When it’s semi frozen and I shut my eyes, I can almost imagine that I’m eating ice cream. Benefits of having a very good imagination.


I’m now making grandiose plans to do this. But with all local Samoan produce.


Make a Month of Green Smoothies in an Hour! Freeze ’em.

Juicers leave lots of mushed up, squished stuff once the juice has been squeezed out. Best of all – when you put it in other recipes, you cant tell that you’re actually consuming yuck stuff like celery/spinach/ cucumbers/watercress etc. Today I made a pasta casserole, kinda like a lasagne with tofu instead of meat and I put a bucket of vegie mush into the sauce. The kids made YUCK faces but it’s actually tasting rather good.


You know I love my sweets. Life without dessert and baked goods is not worth living. So I baked up some choc chip cookies…MINUS the choc chips, white flour and most of the sugar. Instead, I baked using: butter, honey, oatmeal, eggs, 1/3 cup brown sugar and some assorted nuts. It made a lovely cookie slice. I wanted it to be sweeter though, because my hands are shaking from sugar withdrawal… GIVE ME SOME NOW OR ELSE I’LL KILL YOU. Next time, I’m going to add chopped dates for sweetness and for added iron since severe anemia is one of my problems.


This is the first time in my life that I’ve wanted to make lifestyle and diet changes because I want to be healthier and feel better. (As opposed to: I want to be skinny so that people will like me?! And the Hot Man’s gorgeous ex-girlfriends will be green with jealousy?! And I can go in the Miss Samoa and kick-butt?! And maybe when Hugh Jackman comes to Samoa on holiday, he will worship the ground I walk on?!  And…other ridiculous fantastical reasons why one would think skinny equals eternal happiness…) No, none of that stupid stuff makes any sense here. I’m just so tired of being tired and dizzy and faint when I’m trying to live and go about my regular day. Trying new recipes and foods is making these changes a fun challenge.

It’s amazing to me how just a few ‘small’ tweaks can make you feel. I’ve cut my Diet Coke intake from four cans to one a day, replacing it with niu (coconut). Pretty soon I’ll phase out the last can because already the stuff is tasting yuck to me.

The Fab4 are complaining because they have to eat the same food as me – but hey, what kind of mother would I be if I let them eat tuna, cornflakes and cookies while I dined on vegie tofu lasagne? (Don’t answer that if you’re a kid…#TrickQuestion)

Now, I must go work on my bionic butt.



No Comments

Post a Comment