20 Sep Your Partner vs Your Children. Who wins?
Seventeen years ago I ran away into the sunset with the Hot Man because I wanted to spend every breathing moment with him. I wanted every thought to be entwined with his. Every word to only ever be uttered in his presence.We could talk for hours the Hot Man and I. About everything and nothing. We could dine on bread and Diet Coke – and every meal was a banquet. Bus to cheap movie nite with our home-made popcorn and cookies stuffed into our bag and still revel in the richness of just being together. I married the Hot Man because I really couldnt imagine being without him. ( and I most definitely didnt want to have to creep out of my house every night so I could ka’a with him and risk my mum’s eternal wrath…)
So we got married. And the ‘every breathing moment together’ thing really was bliss.
And then came school. And work. And more work. And then some children fell out of the sky. And then came a house, a business, a mortgage. And some more children fell out of the sky. ( Dammnit it’s just raining babies wherever we go, whats up with that?!) And that ‘every breathing moment’ became…a moment here and there as babies grew and demanded more attention, more money, more energy, more patience. And now?
Well, now if I’m being completely honest – the Hot Man is not the focus of my life anymore. Now, life is all about the Fabulous Five as their needs, foibles and fables consume me. ( and drive me up the wall.) Now, it’s their joys that entrance me. Their pains that hurt me. Their dreams that make me wish for magic so I could make them all come true. And yet, I was never a girl who wanted to have any children. I was just a girl who wanted to be with that super hot – super bad boy that she was crazy about.
Now, me and the Hot Man are like ships passing each other in the night. I have to call him at work to chat so I can get a word in edgewise without some child butting in. We are like two people on the run from stalkers as we seek to evade our own children so that we can…talk, laugh, or chill out WITHOUT ONE OF THOSE INVADER CHILDREN TALKING, LAUGHING AND CHILLIN with us. (Whether we want them to or not.) We have to schedule ‘hot moments’ or else they won’t happen. We have to make Date Night appointments for movies, dinner, a gym class.
Sometimes it can get so crazy around here that I say to him, “You know, I married you so I could be with you all the time in forever. But now, I hardly get to be with you at all. I married you because I wanted to be with you but now – I have to share you with all these other people! What the heck is up with that? Who said all these other people could butt into this relationship?!”
Sometimes I have to remind myself that even though life is all about the Hot Man’s children (yes, they belong to only him when I’m annoyed with them) – we still need to put our relationship first. Take the time to make that date, schedule that chat, find the energy to listen to each others complaints and be inspired by each other’s goals. Because, if we fall apart? Then who will tag team as
slaves parents to this raggedy mob? It’s the strength of OUR relationship that matters the most to the happiness of the raggedy mob.
Besides, one day all these Fabulous Five will grow up and move out. And it will be just me and the Hot Man left in this house. In this relationship. And it’s going to be pretty lonely and miserable around here if we’re not used to talking to each other, if we cant stand the sight of each other…hmmm.
So, if you’re new to the partnered/married thing and dont have children yet? Enjoy every moment of being together while you still can! And if you’re co-captaining a ship that some little people have stowed away on? What tips do you have to share on how to still keep that Hot Buzz hot between you two? What do you do to make sure your Significant Other – still knows they’re Significant? How do you escape your
demon wonderful children?